When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
