Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
