just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
