I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
