He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
