One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
