Christians are straight up FREAKS
need another drink. this is the easiest way
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
