No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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