Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
