Dude my mom stole all your condoms
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize