don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
