Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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