Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
