the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
