the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
