I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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