he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
