It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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