Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
