He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
why does every cop we meet know your name?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
