so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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