You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
