i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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