i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
