i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
