Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
God, you're like boner-b-gone
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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