i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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