Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
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I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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