One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
