Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No subtext here. People are naked.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
