i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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