Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
