hotel room ftw
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
