This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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