Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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