I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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