Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
