Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
