did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
