it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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