Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
