bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we're making bets on your personal life
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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