she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
