So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
