i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
