Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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