How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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