How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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