If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
