Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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