their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
