I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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