The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
