the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
