look no pants
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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