i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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