I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
home. puking in laundry basket.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
