i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
