Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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