You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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