So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
