I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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