it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize