So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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