so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
