He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
