Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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