Dual....:-)
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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