At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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