is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
