Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
