I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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