we made out on top of his cat.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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