Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I won't apologize to a one balled man
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
