this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
