I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
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You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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